Sunday, December 30, 2012

Making your Neurotypical child happy during the holiday season is impossible.

Neurotypical children are hard any time of the year but the holidays can be particularly difficult. Repetitions of jingle bells, invites to parties, plays, and demands for expensive items can lead parents to madness, but here are some solutions from magical parent experts who know everything: Solution 1) Sending us money, along with appropriate medication can make a big difference. Solution 2) Sticking needles into them randomly to draw blood, along with appropriate medication can make a big difference. Solution 3) NBN training, involves stuffing the child's face with candy to prevent them from singing jingle bells, along with appropriate medication can make a big difference. Solution 4) Drugging them to death, along with appropriate medication can make a big difference. Remember the routine and buy them whatever they want because they might kill you, we are not saying neurotypical children will kill you but neurotypicals confuse popularity with ethics. so that it would be perfectly logical for them to kill you if you could not produce the same gift all their friends got this holiday season. Happy Holidays and as always send us more money.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Sad facts about Neurotypical Disorder:

NT's are very concerned about their appearance that is why they all dress talk and act like the people around them. When speaking about an NT it is very disrespectful to suggest that they are different from the others in any way. NT's have a very important routine they refer to a person by their first name then describe that person as needed. NT's consider their routines normal and become very upset and even violent when someone doesn't fallow the routine exactly, grabbing a persons hands, putting them in time out, cutting their hair, attempting to embarrass them in front others or even suffocating them. To an NT embarrassment is worse then death. I am very concerned with the growing number of NT’s reaching adulthood . They often travel in groups herding aimlessly . They insist on eye contact when speaking but sometimes get angry when you look at them. NT’s have no fear of sound and this often leads them into dangerous situations such as bar fights and black Friday shopping at Wal-Mart. They seem to have little cognitive ability, but enjoy repetitive tasks like posting pictures of puzzle pieces and pink ribbons on Facebook. They refuse to eat nutritious food demanding that food be package or served. They often consume dangerous amounts of MSG, gluten, corn, red #4, yellow #5, citric acid, hydrogenated oils and invert sugar. NT’s have an obsession with sameness and mimic even behaviors that show an extreme lake of empathy, like bullying, forcefully drugging others, charging excessive amounts for health care, and playing crappy music in public. They often cannot manage money and engage in high interest loans. They often have difficulty showing up on time and are dependent on devices such as watches and alarm clocks. They often actually believe what they see on TV. A tidal wave of NT’s will soon be entering the workforce, but with demands, like fair pay flexible hours and breaks many will find themselves unemployed . NT’s have no concern with the emotions of others, many Autistic parents are devastated by their children’s reaction to death. “My child didn't even ask me why I was crying,!” said one parent that I totally made up. Another imaginary parent said “his violent behavior is out of control, he wanted to join the military!” Another fictional parent said, he’s a monster, he left our dog barking on the porch for hours, the police had to be called!” Another fictional parent said, “I knew there was something wrong when I handed her a hot pan out of the oven, she said “too hot” and dropped it, if only I knew what she was thinking, if only I could understand.” “I always wanted a child who could think, but I still love my little zombies, lost in the same world as everyone else, what will happen if I die, who will take care of them and prevent them from ever engaging in risky behaviors like drinking having sex and believing everything they read?” One imagined parent is caring a forty year old man who still believes that America is the greatest county on Earth. “he can’t communicate very will he just watches football, ” Please contact me if you have no idea what to do about this problem and want throw money aimlessly at the problem. I will spend the money to do research on how I can best profit off of marketing a cure well using propaganda to force it on NT’s.

Who will pay the cost of Neurotypical Disorder?

Parents are finding it harder and harder to support their Neurotypical children. Here are quotes from a sundry of frustrated imagined parents. “She wants to have everything just like everyone else, and she doesn't understand how much it costs. I thought the $500 child tax credit would cover her. Maybe I’m just a bit NT myself.” “He wants to try everything, but after a few days he realizes that he is just OK at it and wants to try something new. Our whole garage is full of sports equipment, musical interments, and video games. Sadly our child is so unimaginative he tells us he is board needs money to go out and do what ever his NT friends are doing or what is advertised on TV.”Parents of NT kids just can’t make it so we might as well leach off them just like their ungrateful zombie children. Please donate so we can send them literature about how their children are defective, and ask them for money.

Rodents Show Promise in Treating Neurotypical Disorder, could this be the cure?

Researchers have finally discovered a strain of rodents that behave like neurotypical children. Any parent who has experiences a group of neurotypical children knows how dangerous and destructive they can be when they group together. Like neurotypical children lemmings are known to travel in groups. Researchers have finally found a way to cure lemmings and end this strange grouping behavior. Researchers simply picked lemmings up by the tails threw them against the wall and said "Stop it" Many of the lemmings where cured on the first throw. After only a few minutes instead of mindlessly following others they lay lifelessly on the floor. Researchers are now testing drugs to get a similar effect. They say it has to do with the proteins if they can stimulate the lemmings to make more WTF protein then we can marvel at how much neurotypical disorder is just like cancer, will we continue to make huge profits off of curing both with dangerous patented drugs that don't work very well. Fortunately this story is just a fake, but the damage Autism $peaks is doing is real.

Neurotypicals shut-up " Big expensive exclusive party with big popular expensive stars"

We need to do something about neurotypicals, so lets throw a big party and not invite them. There will be Lego's everywhere and we will charge huge amounts so you can brag about how rich you are. (everyone at the party will have to walk barefoot over Lego's and the lights will be kept very low this, to keep uninvited NT's out) Sure they might protest at the door, oh heck what am I saying with shows like the Kardashians and Honey Boo-Boo they may never leave the house again. It is very important that we throw this big huge party because neurotypicals confuse popularity with ethics. We must find a cure. One fictional important parent who is an expert and a doctor and stuff like that said, She insists on listening to Justin Beider because her friends like it, gee I wish it was legal to kill her cure cure cure blaw blaw blaw. Remember this party is very important and the things we do are very important and NT's are zombies who will destroy the world. Donate to stop them, really we just play with Lego's but give us money any way. Oh and NT's are amazingly skilled at lying we might actually have to hire one but we won't have to pay them because they are disabled. Perhaps we could invite one to the party. We can drug them up train them to do tricks for us and bill their insurance for our own profit and enjoyment. Please donate so we can throw lemmings randomly at the walls in the hope of a cure. They can't understand even basic ethics cure cure cure wouldn't it be cool if boys could grow breasts too? Cure cure give us money cure.